Testimony & Baptism

For much of my life I didn't know what it meant to truly have a relationship with the Lord. I grew up in a Christian home, went to all the events, went to church and youth group every Sunday, and even volunteered at a Christian camp for many summers before I realized what it truly meant to follow Christ and give my life to Him. I would have long conversations with my mom about where I thought would spend eternity and ask her al' of my doubtful questions and still

be left with doubt and fear about God and eternity.

I'd like to share an analogy. Even though I am not a pastor I'd like to give it a try! I took a Microbiology class this past semester and for the final project our professor gave us two unknown organisms that we had to identify using the skills and the tests we had performed earlier in the semester. At first, some of the instructions made my head hurt, but she just kept saying "I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will all make sense eventually". So, for a couple of weeks I went through the motions, running tests and taking notes but not having a view of the whole thing. It didn't seem like I would ever understand the end goal until there was one day I was looking over my notes and everything clicked!

That is the way that my spiritual life was up until God got my attention and I finally fully understood what the hope of the Gospel meant for me. I went through a difficult season and during that time several people from our faith family poured out love and care for me. Witnessing these people live the Gospel in their daily lives, seeing that their actions matched their words in displaying the love of Christ—their testimonies were powerful evidence to me that

they had a relationship with God, not just a religion. That is when I realized that I wanted that same thing. I surrendered my life to Him and I now have a relationship with the Creator who loves me enough to send his son to die for me. I started wanting to worship and learn. My desire to get baptized today comes from the desire to be obedient to Christ. I know that baptism will not save me, but it is an outward profession of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and it is in

Him that I have true salvation and living hope

I've been attending FCBC since I was in Middle school. Many of you have seen me around the church, I grew up as a church kid. Do you know what a church kid is? Are you a church kid'? Prayed the sinner's prayer more times than you can remember. It wasn't that I was trusting in a magic incantation. I had a seed of belief, but it hadn't germinated completely yet.

 In my young adult life, I was good but not godly. What I desired was not God. This became clear to me while I was stationed overseas in 2018. Separate from this Faith Family it became clear that knowledge that I had gained, had not made it from my head to my heart. Free, isolated, I made choices to please me. Looking at myself in the mirror, I had to come to grips with the fact that I did not desire God. But what I was doing wasn't satisfying me. I was surprised to find that I was worse than I thought. With all the safeguards removed, my desires were self-centered, and selfishness is what sin is. At this point, I didn't just know I needed to be saved for the first time, I really felt like I needed to be saved experientially.

 I tried to live up to the perfect law of God on Iny own. My obedience was external. Just like doing the right things, obeying your parents, meeting their expectations, meeting their standards, and still not having a relationship with them. In the same way, I learned to be obedient to God without having a relationship with him. No one would know that I was avoiding God by being a good kid but relying on myself and human wisdom. I had thought I was all set growing up in Christian home. What a blessing that was, however, I constantly avoided God by doing things my way and with my own strength. My obedience wasn't relational. My faith wasn't relational. It was all transactional. Even after growing up in the church [ still hadn't quite opened my heart to a relationship with God. I had to learn another hard lesson. Not only was my obedience external. So was my repentance. During my time overseas God revealed my true selfishness to me. [ knew I was doing the wrong thing. It was a long road to change. thought that I had repented, but I would slip back into it because all I had done was change externally. I thought I had to fix it. To try harder. Be better to stop the behavior I knew was wrong. But my heart hasn't changed. Even my repentance from doing the wrong was still avoiding God. But God began working in my heart and I first had to realize could not keep his law. I couldn't keep it externally. So, God saved me from having to live up to his perfect law. Christ kept the law perfectly and out of joy and love for His Father. Now, giving control of my life Jesus Ineant every time failed he covered me in His righteousness. I am now right before God because of what Christ did. My human failings are no longer what God sees. Now, I desire a relationship with him. Specifically, I've been working on giving more control over to him. I tried to do all this stuff under my own power. Now, I'm giving him control.

 Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with ail your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight paths.

Romans 6: 1-11 says, 'What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means. How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So, you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to

God in Christ."

 When I was going through the baptism packet that we had to read, there was a question that asked, 'what was your life before Christ?', and found this question a little hard to answer. Because I had grown up in a Christian home and went to church every Sunday, I didn't really have a life before Christ. I mean, at that time I hadn't accepted Jesus into my life as my Savior, but I was still being brought up as a Christian. Which I don't want to take for granted, because I know that being able to be brought up in a Christian home is such a blessing and a privilege, but it makes these questions hard to answer because I never had a big sinful past to draw me to Christ. But eventually I did realize that because of my sin I needed Christ to be my Savior, and not just a Savior. I asked Jesus to forgive my sins and come into my heart for the first time with my grandmother, but about a week later I sat down with my mom and prayed to God again, because in my six-year-old heart I was afraid that the first one hadn't counted. I needed assurance that even the after praying for Salvation, I would still need help to be more like Him. After this, God worked slowly through my life, but he worked none the less. Now, I've never been able to talk about my feelings very well, so I grew closer to God knowing that He's a friend willing to listen to my problems and my worries, and the things that I can't sort out. I started to love reading my Bible and not having it feel like a chore, and I started to see more and more how much God loves us and how much I needed Him. And now I am ready to take the next step of obedience with a public confession of faith that is baptism, which is a symbol of dying to my old self and rising with Christ.

I have grown up in church and have always been surrounded by strong Christians whether it was my family, or my friends and their families. I was always told and taught that your family's faith does not make you saved. You need to have your own personal faith, personal repentance, personal trust and personal relationship with God to be saved. As I grew up, the realization of needing my own salvation and relationship with God grew into a desire and I sought after God and asked Jesus into my life at a young age. I can’t remember the date of when I got saved, or even how old I was, but I know I am saved because I have seen real change in my life that only Jesus could do. Early on after I asked Jesus into my life, I had a difficult time trusting and believing that I was really saved. At times I would get overwhelmed and feel afraid, wondering if God had really saved me and wondering if I needed to do anything else to go to heaven. This selfish idea of salvation led to me asking Jesus into my life over and over again because I wanted to KNOW and be sure that I was saved and would go to heaven one day. In the beginning when I asked Jesus into my life, I know now that my main motive and reason for wanting to be saved was because I wanted to escape hell and go to heaven and I knew repentance and accepting Jesus is the way. But overtime, as I got older and matured more both as a person and in my faith, my original desire to be saved has added on a desire for a real and honest relationship with God. Overtime God did help me overcome my anxieties and doubts and I can have peace knowing God has saved me. Romans 10:13 says, “'For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Now I do believe, trust and have peace that God has saved me only through his Son’s sacrifice on the cross, and resurrection after death.

 Throughout my life I have always struggled with completely trusting God and having peace in His plans for me. This lack of trust in God’s plans has led to overwhelming anxiety and worries about what the future holds. I’m the type of person who always wants to know the plan so I can expect what is going to happen. I want to be able to plan and know what is going to happen years in advance. But one of the core pieces to having a strong healthy relationship with God is faith. When I start to question and worry about the future, something that my dad has told me over and over is that I don’t need to have everything figured out right now, I just need to take life one day at a time and trust God with each day. And slowly over time the pieces are going to come together, and I’ll see God’s plan unfold. I’ve had to come to the realization that God doesn’t want us to have all of the answers and know everything right now, because He just wants us to trust Him and have faith.

 When I left home three years ago to go to college, my faith and trust in God was quickly put into practice. Going away to college really helped me grow in my own personal relationship with God. Being away from home and away from my friends and family pushed me to trust God in EVERYTHING. There have always been times in my life where I needed to trust God, but I believe that I have grown the most in my faith these past 3 years, then I have in any other part of my life. Another part of my faith journey that has grown a lot these past years, but more specifically this past year, has been how I pray. Another part of making my faith my own, has been prayer, and how I pray. I have found myself spending a lot more time in prayer than I used to, and this discipline has helped me to practice my trust in God. I’ve been adding something new to the way that I pray which is ending my prayers by saying, “Not my will, but your will be done God.” This is one of the ways I have been actively putting my trust in God. Acknowledging that He is in control and that He ultimately knows what is best. I can go to God with my needs and even my wants, but at the end of the day I want to surrender my desires to Him and trust in Him. I want to get baptized today as a public way of showing that I am choosing to Trust God and act in obedience to what He has called me and all believers to do.

As I was working through writing my testimony, one of the questions was, "What was your life before Christ?" And honestly, I wasn’t really sure how to answer that because I didn’t really have one. I grew up going to church. I attended Sunday school, I listened to TobyMac, I even made a profession of faith when I was 9 years old. Now I know what you’re thinking, but don’t be too impressed. I was mostly just afraid of going to hell. As I got older my life continued in pretty much the same way that it always had. I had no real desire to be with Jesus, just a fear of His absence. I kept Him in my back pocket as a “get out of jail free card”, I didn’t treasure Him.  

 I don’t remember when it happened, it was about a year ago, but one day I came to realize that I knew and believed in Jesus and His sacrifice, and it just didn’t matter that much to me. The things of the world were more important to me. And that was the moment I realized how lost I had become. I couldn’t believe that after everything He had done for me, I could be so numb to His sacrifice. And then I began to wonder how He could even want me when He knew how I would react. And I just kept thinking about John 3:16, which anyone who has ever gone to Sunday school will know, specifically the beginning “For God so loved the world… For God so loved the world, For God so loved me.” I tried to put myself in His position and I couldn’t understand it, if someone treated me the way I treated Him I wouldn’t even put in the effort to be friends with them. The more I thought about it the more I didn’t understand that type of extravagant, selfless love. So, I began to spend more time reading my bible, hoping to find something about God that explained why He loved me so much. And to give you the short version, I didn’t find the answer I was looking for, but I found so much more. I started to get a little understanding of His jealousy, His righteous anger, His pain when we choose the broken, rotting dreams of this world over Him. I realized finally what my sin was costing me, how much I needed God in my life, and I was filled with the desire to know Him more and to seek out discipleship. Through His strength I am now doing things I wouldn’t have thought possible a year ago. And now I want to take the next step of baptism as an outward symbol of the change that Christ has worked in me.  

Some of you may know me but for those of you who don’t, I will begin by telling you that I procrastinate a LOT. So, Tuesday morning, a week or so before my baptism I started to collect my thoughts about what I should write in my testimony. I went through the morning with a constant nagging of what should be put in and what should be kept out, and as I was thinking I came to the question, “Why Christianity?” Growing up in a Christian home I felt like maybe I was biased. I hadn’t experienced the world from a different point of view, a different religion; I grew up believing in Jesus and that He was the only right way.

 So, I spent my life in church, surrounded by church people, in a Christian home with church friends and a biblical foundation. I spoke fluent Christianese, I asked Jesus Christ into my life at age 12, I attended the church events and tried my best to be a great Christian kid. I knew these things wouldn’t give me salvation; they couldn’t save me from my sinful nature, but if I was too busy serving myself and, occasionally others, then I never really did have to think about what my eternity would be like. It was easier that way, to pretend that Jesus wouldn’t come back anytime, or that I had years of life ahead of me that I could use to serve God. Occasionally I did think about where I would end up, but I never really got very far. When I had wanted to hide from God, the devil and my sinful nature made it sufficiently easy. However, I’ve learned, God always finds a way, back in my life, back to my head, and I know now He’s reached my heart. In complete honesty I wasn’t looking for Jesus when He found me, I wasn’t trying to serve Him, I was only focused on myself. And while I served myself, God planted seeds in my life. Small ones, almost unnoticeable but man did they grow! It was the small questions from close friends, long sermons from pastors, little comments from my family members. From Sunday school lessons to schoolwork at home I was completely covered in God’s grace as He patiently taught me who He is in my day-to-day life. Looking back now, at all I’ve gone through and learned, it seems ridiculous that I didn’t see God’s hand in my life. His love spread through His people; His work done through His creation; His words taught to me in the most unlikely ways. But my favorite part of all is that even when I didn’t want Him, even when I didn’t think I needed Christ, even when I was entirely focused on myself, He was still there. He listened to every prayer, He loved me every time, He heard every cry and every single laugh; He was drawing me closer when I did even know it. His overwhelming love has stayed with me through my entire life; it’s never left me.

 While writing this I’ve tried to figure out what exactly it was that pushed me towards baptism, and I don’t think it was ever one thing. It was the hundreds of little things God sent my way that worked through me to give me the courage now to stand and announce to the world that I am a follower of Jesus. Baptism can’t save me, neither can any of my actions I know that, but Christ can, and I want to tell everybody about it. My Savior’s good news, my Savior’s sacrifice, my God’s justice, His love towards me and what He can do for others. I’m done travelling down the wrong path chasing my own desires, I’ve studied and sat on the side lines of Christ’s race for too long; I’m running now. And I’m going to fall short; I’m not going to be strong enough to finish but my God can. Leaning on Him, praying to Him and trusting in Him is what I’m focusing on, devoting my life to His work.

 So, why Christianity? Why did I pick Christ? I could pull up the statistics of the Bible, I could talk about the miraculous life of Jesus, the hundreds of years God has saved His people; I could reason with you on why it is more logical to believe in God. But that’s not what captured my heart, His love did. Turns out I am biased, biased for Christ; I want Jesus more than any other and even more amazing, He wants me! I grew up believing in Jesus and that He was the only right way. I still believe it and I want my life to show it, so when my Savior comes to bring me home or I go to Him, He might tell me “Well done my good and faithful servant” and I can spend eternity in His wonderful presence.

It was June 6th of 2022 that I made a vow to the Lord to devote my life to him if he honored what I asked of him. Prior to that day, I would not have considered myself a Christian. I hadn't spent much time throughout my life in church and was unfamiliar with Jesus and his word. That day was the start of a radical refining God put both my wife and I through and continues to help guide and refine us in our pursuit to live as Christ wants us too and to fellowship with an amazing God.

Five days prior to June 6th we rushed to the hospital with my wife who was 9 months pregnant with our son Elijah. She had been having contractions for several hours and as they grew closer together, we got ourselves to the hospital. Within a couple of hours, the contractions subsided and they sent us home. Confused and frustrated by the discharge, my wife Danielle then spent 10 to 16 hours each day for the next five days having full blown contractions which we later found out was called Prodromal labor. Unknown to us, for the next five days every one of her major organs began to shut down in what is called HELLP syndrome. And on June 6th after she endured 5 days of excruciating contractions with little to no sleep, we got her to the hospital where she was rushed through all the steps to prepare for an emergency c section. When her bloodwork came back, the doc informed us about the HELLP syndrome. My wife being and ER nurse was very familiar with what HELLP syndrome was because she had treated patients that came into the ER who they or their child didn't make it. Being told this was the single most terrifying thing that has happened to me. In my mind, I'm trying to wrap my head around how I'm about to become a father and every instinct and fiber in me just wants to protect them both. But in that moment I realized, I can't. I realized at that moment, I have absolutely zero control in this situation. Despite not knowing Jesus when I was at my lowest and darkest place, drowning in fear I turned to a God I did not know yet. A Merciful God that saw one of his children crying out to Him. Ans thta is exactly what I did as I sat in a 10 foot by 15 foot waiting room outside the operating room. I said out loud to the Lord "God if you save my wife and my son, I will spend the rest of my life devoted to you." Although I didn't know His word at the time just as he says in Psalm 91, "Because you have chosen to love me, I will rescue you and protect you because you know my name You will cry out to me and I will answer I will be with you in trouble.

And being a faithful God, he honored what I asked of Him and He kept Danielle and Elijah safe. I know He had covered them with His feathers because that day we became a family that would always seek refuge under His wings. And as many of you know when you choose the Lord and you choose to give your life to Jesus Christ, it does not mean things will get any easier. No more than 2 hours after having both my wife and my son alive and safe with me did we learn that our son had multiple heart defects which was unknown to us till then. From there started our long and difficult refinement process with a new trial popping up what seemed like every day. Six months later we went through our next toughest trial which was our son's open-heart surgery. For that six-month period, due to his due to his susceptibility to getting sick with a weakened system Danielle stayed home with him and quarantined and I would only leave the house to go to work or the grocery store. One of us would always be awake while he slept at night out of fear he would stop breathing or his heart would stop. Dainelle and I would poke periodically that our like was looking like a "Lifetime" movie because we kept getting hit with trial after trial. Looking back, I see now that each one of those trails brought us closer to a God that loves us and sees the potential in us. What He was doing was giving us the tools to navigate this world and teaching us to walk with His authority.

Thirteen months later God blessed us with another absolute beacon of light in what feels like a dark world sometimes, our daughter Hallie. That pregnancy had its own difficulties and trails and continued that refinement process that Danielle and I had grown so accustomed too. And here we are at this point where I'm trying to honor that vow that I made to Him 3 years ago in that little waiting room. I want to thank you Lord for honoring every prayer that Danielle and I have prayed. I want to thank you for being a loving father. I want to thank you for sacrificing yourself and enduring all that you did to save all of us. I want to publicly claim here that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and I thank you for being a God that walks beside me in all of my troubles. 

I grew up in a Christian family and don’t really remember a time when I didn’t consider myself a Chirstian. Over my life I’ve definitely gained a much better understanding of what that means, had my faith become my own rather than my parents’ and became a much more mature Chirstian. I don’t know when I became a Christian, it obviously happened at some point, but it has been lost to the fog of ages. How my faith has changed me is hard to distinguish from the results of growing up, I became more serious about my faith as I grew older, as I did about most things. I have wanted to get baptized for a while; I was in the earliest stages of getting ready to be baptized at my previous church before the lockdown delayed that. This is the first church I have been seriously involved with after we moved back to New Hampshire. To some extent I think that this is a good thing, I believe that I had saving faith when I was planning on getting baptized, but it is much more mature now. Beforehand being baptized was just one more thing to do, but now it is something I want to do to show my obedience to Christ. 

I don’t remember an exact date or time where I realized that I believed in Jesus or asked Him into my heart and life. There was no sudden clarity, or understanding, and no moment of enlightenment. Accepting Jesus was a journey. Instead of a flash of light, my coming to faith looked more like the slow and steady growth of a lovingly tended garden.  

I do remember when the seeds were planted. March 4th, 2022; it was my mother’s birthday. Birthdays in our household were, and still are, a day of utmost importance. When you have five siblings, a day just about you is like rolling a jackpot! As we grew up and were able to return the favor, we included my mother's birthday in this elite status. That year, much to the horror of all of us except maybe Nicholas, Mom chose a family dinner and a viewing of a Chuck Missler lecture. For those that don’t know him, Chuck Missler is a giant of the faith... and, Lord forgive me, incredibly boring for a non-Christian to listen to. The birthday rule is sacred though, so after dinner I put a then 3-month-old Eloise to bed, and we all gathered in the kitchen and living room. Unlike previous times where I had sat and listened to a lecture or lesson on faith, I found myself inexplicably drawn to the message and trying to follow what was being said. By the end I had about one hundred questions, much to Mom’s delight. The next three hours turned into a full-blown theological breakdown of Genesis and the Gospel message. For the first time, it was like a veil had been lifted and I realized the Gospel was for me too. 

 Up until this point, the Gospel, Jesus, and even Christianity seemed not only unattainable but honestly undesirable. At this time, I was married to my then wife, Hannah. By March of 2022, Hannah and I had been together for 5 years, married for 3, and had just welcomed our beautiful baby girl in December. We were both thriving in successful careers, and we were living, by all accounts, a charming life. 

  I think I knew, at least subconsciously, that following Christ would not coexist with that charmed life we were living. I tried to force Jesus onto the backburner of my life, at least as much as He would allow me to keep Him there. He showed up in powerful ways, though. 

 We were attending church semi-regularly at this point and while everyone was nice enough, we found ourselves feeling a little like we were orbiting on the outside of it all. I’m not sure we would have continued attending but God put some powerful followers of Christ in our lives. My mother and Nicholas, Deb and Dave Zarges who became honorary grandparents, Shelby and Michael Foose who became our best friends, Rachel Califf who always had a warm smile and something to chat about, Pat and Martha Testerman who walked through some of the hardest moments of our lives with us. I often wonder why God was so patient with us, with me, during this time. Patient He was though and over the next year and a half I wrestled with this faith, accepting Jesus’ sacrifice, and knowing what it would cost me and my family.   

In September of 2023, we had our second child, my sweet Everett, and by then everything had changed. I knew looking into my newborns squishy little face that God, the God of the Bible, was real. I knew that Jesus, our precious Savior, had come and died to save us, and I knew that I wanted to follow Him.   

We started getting involved. We went to potlucks and meetings and attended a Bible study with my mother. The Bible study was a full circle moment, a deep dive into the Millennial Kingdom as studied and told by none other than Chuck Missler and his wife Nancy. Very quickly though, we realized that truly following Jesus meant living a Christ-like life, even if that meant doing hard things. While moving through this study, I felt that conviction that I had been running from. In June of 2024, Hannah and I realized that our faith was moving us toward separation. Every human part of us shied away from that pain and rebelled against that sacrifice. We discussed it at length with the believers who had so faithfully walked with us. Finally in November of 2024, after a very honest and eye-opening conversation with a dear mentor of mine, Martha Huckins, I realized that if Jesus could give up His life for me, then I could give up my worldly life for Him.   

It's been just over a year since that decision and there have certainly been growing pains, but my faith is flourishing. My children are being raised in a home that serves the Lord, I am surrounded by Christ followers with big faith and even bigger hearts, and I will be forever grateful that my God called me by name and that He can bring about redemption even in a story like mine.  

Now, now; quiet your muttering and whispering, because yes, I know this is a surprise to many that I’m up here this morning. To those who are sitting and realizing, ‘wow, I thought Holly was already a member here,’ let me please quiet your concern. Yes, I am a Christian and yes, I have been a faithful and participant attendee at Faith Community Bible Church. To those who are not wondering why I’m here today, please know that you are faithful witnesses, testifiers, and iron sharpening iron. Repeatedly, and for a long game. I may have taken the long way home, but you know that I haven’t been far off the beaten path, either.

That’s because I grew up in the Presbyterian Church. My mom and dad baptized me as an infant, and dedicated their Sunday mornings, prayers before meals, Sunday School (perfect attendance record-keeper right here with my sister), and truly aligned with Proverbs 22:6 - training me up in the way I should go. I am not departing from it. As I grew up, any other infant baptism was followed by a conversation at home summarized with, “you’re baptized; you’ve gotten that.” And I agree - I knew that I belonged to the church, and I recognized God’s hand over me in many ways, from the sensation of a physical hand to duck and be saved in a car accident, to deja vu dreams, a small and confident voice leading me to move and to open a private practice, and songs in my head as soon as I wake up to meditate on and be reminded of His character with the so-called coincidences of my days. My ‘what if’ worries dissolved into a content ‘even if’ statement, knowing that God will supply my every need. And He has!

So Holly, you say you’ve already been baptized, so what are you doing this morning, you may ask? Especially as I followed all of the doctrines of the Presbyterian Church with the confirmation class and testimony? Are you not a full-fledged member of the church? The church (small letter c), sure; and I’m here this morning because my faith is so much more than checking boxes and memorizing catechisms. These are valid questions, and questions that I asked, sought counsel and conversations, and wrestled for myself for quite a while. This action today is more than a religious check on the membership to-do list; it’s to be obedient to Jesus, who directed His followers to repent and be baptized. Because even Jesus, the perfect sacrifice for my sins and for a path to restored relationship with my Creator, got baptized. We are to be doers of the Word; as an infant, I couldn’t know what that meant. My parents exposed me to Christianity through my whole life, and today is my thank you for their dedicated work, 
as well as my saying, ‘yes,’ that I am wholeheartedly giving my life, my pride, my ego, my plans for my life and leaving them in the river. This baptism is symbolizing the death of flesh and the resurrection of Christ; I’m getting out of my own way, giving up worldly ways and raising clean in Him.

This is my public declaration of faith in Jesus Christ, my public service announcement that I have been walking in Him and leaning into the most important relationship of my life - my relationship with my Creator. I am a sinner, a moral situation. The penalty of this is death. But praise be to God, who sent Jesus His Son to horrendously die on the cross because God so loved the world and He wants a relationship with each one of us. He doesn’t have to, and He would do it again and again to gather all of his Creation back to Him. There is nothing I can do here - and there are many stupid times a day I use the word I - but God saved me. I’ve felt God guiding me through my whole life. Through Christ I am free! I am first and foremost a daughter of God, living to glorify Him in all that I do. Change my heart to seek You first, Lord. Keep the first thing first. Amen!

Throughout my life, I had never given a second thought to religion or the possibility of a creator. I had gone to church a couple times with friends and their families or with cousins, but nothing beyond that. When I was visiting those friends and cousins, we would pray before dinner, but to me, it was something that people just did and held no significant meaning in my mind. I had thought about death before but never really put any stock into the afterlife. My knowledge of Christianity was limited to the fact that people would pray, believed there was heaven and hell, and that Jesus would save you. I had heard the classic stories of David and Goliath, or Noah's Ark, but to me, stories were all they were. But by the grace of the lord, my perspective shifted. 

It was the beginning of March last year, and we had won the NH state basketball championship. The day of the championship, a pastor met with us to pray over us. For the first time, I prayed, wanting to try anything that would help us win. And when I prayed, I felt weirdly confident and secure about the game. After we won, it made me question myself and think critically about what I actually believed in. Did I believe that there was a god, and if so, was it really the God of Christianity? I researched what other people believed and their arguments for it, specifically Cliffe Knechtle and his arguments. I downloaded the Bible App and started to read the King James Version, where I instantly switched to ESV, as I knew I was not going to enjoy reading that. I read Genesis and Matthew, so I could form my own opinion from the direct source. 

After reading just these, and hearing others' arguments, I was convinced that it was impossible for God not to exist. From the sworn testimonies and sacrifices of some of the apostles to the fact that we are the only beings capable of reason, and everything in between, I knew God existed, and that Christianity was the answer. After coming to this realization, I felt compelled to go to church, so I asked if I could tag along with my friend, Christian. When I was first here, I felt super awkward and didn’t really know what was happening or what to do. I am by no means a singer of any sort, so singing worship songs was especially uncomfortable for me. But thankfully, Christian was there as an example for me and a friend to rely on. I continued to go to FCBC and started to become more comfortable going to church, eventually just going on my own when Christian
would go to his dad's church.

I started working on praying, changing from asking for what I wanted, to giving thanks to the lord for different aspects of my life, and following a more personalized structure of what we are given in Matthew 6, verses 9-13. “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we have also forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” This lays the foundation of prayer and how you should live. First is glory to the lord and his will is above all else. Next is asking for provision for the day and seeking forgiveness. And then is protection from sin and evil. I also ordered a physical bible for the first time over the summer, reading for multiple 30-minute periods when it was my turn in the pool house during lifeguarding.

It was here when I really started to learn about the Bible's teachings and tried to apply them to my life. Over the next couple of months, I met Josh, who became a friend, mentor, and guide on my faith journey. Josh, Christian, and I started doing Bible studies, where Josh would provide books to help guide our bible reading. We would have in-depth conversations about the bible, gaining more knowledge and understanding. At these studies, I also practiced public prayer, getting more comfortable with praying over people. Before God, I was lustful, prideful, and harsh with my words. But the Lord has been my strength and my guide, continuing to help me overcome these ways. 

When Josh mentioned baptism to me, I didn’t know how to feel. I had come a long way, but I didn’t view myself as righteous. I wasn’t proclaiming the gospel as much as the bible instructs us to do, and I would still sin. But Romans has always hit home for me in many ways, especially as I’ve been preparing for baptism. In Romans 3, verses 23-24 Paul writes “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his
grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”  Baptism isn’t about being perfectly blameless, it's about leaving your old self behind and having a public profession of faith, accepting Jesus into your heart as your treasure, letting him transform you and shape you. In Matthew 28, verse 19, Jesus commands, “Go and therefore make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” I have been blessed by the Lord in so many ways and am ready to fully accept Christ and what he calls us to do.